LSE’s Tendayi Charity Mhende calls for the African diaspora to embrace the symbolism behind the bride price in various African cultures.
Cows, gold, iron, money, land, fabric: all these have been handed over by a groom in exchange for a bride. Called a dowry, it has manifested itself in various forms across the world. In European and particularly Elizabethan variants, it was the responsibility of the woman to provide goods or offerings to the groom’s family in order to be wed. The practice may have largely disappeared in Europe, but it remains widespread in many parts of the world including sub-Saharan Africa, the Indian subcontinent and parts of Eastern Europe.
Across the African continent, the tradition of the dowry remains a key pillar of unifying a man and woman in matrimony. Among the Southern African Zulu tribe the process is known as Lobola, the Igbo tribe of West Africa call it Ikpo Onu aku Nwayi and in the East African state of Tanzania it is referred to as Mahari. The history of many sub-Saharan countries reveals that the practice of bride price was borne out of an agricultural and cattle-based economy where wealth and status were exhibited by how big your family was and how much livestock you owned. A wedding represented the loss of a daughter to a family, hence the loss of labour and someone to tend to younger children within the family. A young man, in paying bride price, would give the bride’s family gifts of livestock to replenish labour and to act as a source of food; cows and goats therefore were and are still typically offered as gifts to the bride’s family. In the modern era, this has taken on a new form, that of money.
As a girl of African origin raised in Britain and having engaged in conversations with friends who have had a similar upbringing in the diaspora, it seems like the dowry or bride price is becoming a rather alien concept with its significance becoming all the more distorted to us in the 21st century. The distortion somewhat roots from a perception that it is a demoded practice and women have tended to be victims at the hands of callous husbands who mistreat their wives because they say they have paid for her. In the modern era, however, it appears that many are not aware that the bride price also served to protect women as it prevented marital dissolution. If, for example, a man mistreated his wife, he would have to pay more money. He would not get a divorce because it would represent a loss, especially if he had to pay out for another wife. While there is no one form of dowry or one form of African “culture” or “tradition” per se, I believe that the bride price still has relevance for someone like myself and my peers. Now I am not advocating that we go back to a system in which my value to my future husband is decided by how many cows he can afford to give my family. In all honesty, if my future husband was to give my father a cow, I highly doubt he would be able to rear it in his backyard or find much use for it in Birmingham. Rather, it is the symbolism behind the bride price that leads me to think that we should incorporate elements of bride price into modern marriage in the diaspora.
In the Shona culture to which I belong, a man has to pay what is known as “roora” in order to marry a woman. The process itself doesn’t happen all in one go; rather it is a series of stages acknowledging the family for their work in raising the daughter. These include the payment of the “mbereko” in the form of a blanket which acknowledges the mother carrying her daughter on her back as an infant as well as “majasi” to the parents of the bride for their wedding clothes which usually are worn at the religious wedding ceremony. The bride’s siblings also receive presents, usually in the form of money. Although this practice varies across Africa, the groom expresses appreciation for the family of the bride through gifts of palm wine, blankets, beer and pots in places like Kenya and Nigeria. It strikes me that these gifts show honour to the family of the bride while the groom demonstrates that he can provide for his wife and ultimately for the new family the union will create.
Let me be clear, I am not advocating for the dowry to be restored in its traditional form by Western-settled Africans, but I wish for a return to tradition – with a twist. That honour that is so symbolic of the gifts given to the bride’s family is missing in modern marriages in the West. In weddings today, there is no emphasis on honouring the bride’s family. Rather, weddings are organised in a way to please the couple, while the preferences of their parents are not prioritised.
National statistics estimate that in England and Wales alone, 42% of all marriages will end in divorce, and 34% will dissolve before the 20th anniversary. I would not be surprised if within my lifetime this figure increases, but the plethora of reasons for that can be unpacked at another time. Upholding the bride price, as I see it, highlights a degree of commitment and chivalry in a man that is becoming more and more extinct and shows he not only values his wife but is also committed to upholding a high regard for her family. This is the same family that the woman would return to in the event of a divorce (were it to happen). Of course, the current generation is not what it used to be in the times of Mr Darcy or Shaka Zulu, however, I believe, especially in the context of an African growing up in Britain, we should not let this important symbolic element of marriage erode into something “we used to do”. It is my belief that seeking approval and involving the family sets a good foundation for the rest of the marriage in itself.
As a woman, once you are married you become part of your spouse’s family – you adopt his name and facets of this character. You are no longer the same person you used to be before you wed. Yes, naturally it is to be expected, as marriage means two entities becoming one; and yes, the husband also embraces changes to the person he once was – but undeniably it is the woman who gives more of herself to her groom-to-be. Bringing the cows home, or rather the symbolism carried through the dowry should remain an important feature of marriage. Behind it lies a certain respect and honour for the family which has somewhat worn away and it sets up a good foundation for the newlyweds as they embark on their new chapter.
I totally agree with this. Even though I grew up mostly in Australia I couldn’t imagine getting married without my groom paying my lobola. It is too important to our culture.
I don’t think it is a fair move that only men pay, because the groom’s family also needs to be paid something following your argument above. In fact if anything in African marriages the women benefit more than the men. I totally have problems with the understanding of the selfish individuals who when inventing those cultures only thought of benefiting the themselves as parents of daughters… It’s a biased move which must be abolished by constitutions of well meaning countries.
An excellent article that could, at least hopefully, potentially go a long way towards providing the much-needed EDUCATION on this important cultural subject to many ill-informed Western and Western-indoctrinated commentators who write or speak today on such matters! At the heart of Tendayi Charity Mhende’s well-balanced essay, is this fundamental but very cogent point made by her: “[That], rather, it is the symbolism behind the bride price that leads me to think that we should incorporate elements of bride price into modern marriage in the diaspora.”
The key operative term here is the word SYMBOLISM!
Fundamental to a valid, correct, and objective examination of the practice and tradition of the bride price or dowry in the sub-Saharan African culture, is one basic historical REALITY of Africa vis-à-vis its relationship with the West: Namely, that there is one objective reality constant, historically, and yet still ongoing to date in this early 21st century, which is that African scholars, experts and researchers dealing on the African history and experience have long noted and sometimes even vehemently protested, the massive negative distortions and gross misrepresentations of Africa eternally propagated by the world’s writers of history, the Western media and the world’s powers-that-be, particularly the Europeans, and to a lesser extent, the Americans, and that there has be a the frequent predisposition on their part to grossly misrepresent Africa and to dwell on old myths or misconceptions about Africa and its indigenous cultures and ways of life. As Jane Kani Edward, Ph.D., clinical Assistant professor and director of African Immigration Research, Department of African and African American Studies, Fordham University, New York, and Gender Research Fellow at the Sudd Institute, recently put it,
“Misconception about Africa and Africans is not a new phenomenon…. European philosophers, explorers, and scholars produced knowledge about non-European societies since the eighteenth century that misrepresented African realities. Ethnographic writings and the Western media coverage of African affairs further played a significant role in perpetuating negative images of Africa and Africans.”
The space and time in this medium will not permit me here to dwell elaborately on this long-standing problem, but suffice it simply to say, that one notable subject matter about which there has been so much of such concerted efforts on the part of the Western media (and sometimes scholars) to massively distort and misrepresent the African continent, has been with respect to the this issue of “dowry” or “pride price.”
In deed, even most ironically but sadly, these days, is the fact that in recent times one new significant phenomenon has emerged to enter into the old pre-existing equation: Namely, that in this era of the Internet, the more pernicious distortions of many cultural ways of Africa and the negative portrayal of Africa, are NOT solely coming from the traditional or historical sources or suspects that one might expect (the European colonialists and the Europeans, white America, the denigrating western media, scholars, etc.). But, are coming, rather, in these early 21st century times, primarily from sources that might ordinarily be the least expected: Namely, none other than the Africans themselves – the modern-day Diaspora Africans! More specifically, the so-called “Westernized” Africans in the Diaspora or elsewhere!! This is a new significant, possibly revolutionary, phenomenon rarely recognized and yet to be deciphered by even some of the most sophisticated African elites of modern Africa.
I would merely add here that Tendayi Charity Mhende is deadly on point in here well-informed analysis, in her assertion that though “across the African continent, the tradition of the dowry remains a key pillar of unifying a man and woman in matrimony,” among many in the West, however, including a growing number of Africans or Africans born there by African parents, there remains, very unfortunately, a wide spread gross distortion of the significance of that practice and tradition regarding the African culture (and sure, there may not be one African “culture” or “tradition” per se, but the dissimilarities are only in terms of the specifics and details but not really in kind). Simply summed up, the gross misperception, even distortion, of the West concerning that African practice and tradition, is, in fact, borne directly out of the White, Eurocentric, Western, conception and sense of value – where money and “payment” is automatically perceived, viewed, interpreted and equated with meaning being “bought,” and with having “ownership” of something, or being “property,” with all the attendant legal implications and ramifications that such concept entails in terms of the business contract and property law and value system of the Eurocentric Western societies! In point of FACT, as you well pointed out, in the sub-Saharan African conception of it, “the bride price also served to protect women as it prevented marital dissolution” – in many fundamental ways and respects. In deed, contrary to the Western cultural notion and distorted interpretation of dowry and the bride price in the African context, the custom is actually a far SUPERIOR system to anything that the Western culture has to offer, as it is that practice and custom that act, in many respects, to institutionally and systemically guarantee and assure the protection of the legitimate rights and interests of ALL (and not just one or the other) of the various legitimate parties involved in an African marriage – the husband, as well as the wife, the parents of both spouses and the relevant siblings, the relatives and members of the families of the two principals involved in a marriage in the African cultural context, often even extending to their respective clans, in certain cases. For example, it is with dowry, in its central role merely as a significant CULTURAL SYMBOL, that the man in an African marriage officially signifies, in a concrete and culturally recognized way, the extent to which he values the taking of the wife away from her family in marriage, and the extent to which he values and appreciates the tremendous job, contributions, tasks and responsibilities, of bearing and raising his wife which his prospective in-laws (the wife’s parents and the extended families and lineage) did expend in the upbringing and molding of the woman who he takes home to be his wife! It is this CONCRETE but dutiful showing by him of his recognition of the awesome sacrifices made by the various parties who are responsible for the raising and molding of his future wife, and this “official” formal showing on his part of his appreciation of this fact to the various relatives of the wife (via the payment of dowry to them), that act as a powerful connecting and galvanizing force that unites all those members of the wife’s extended families into a common familial powerful bonding with his (the man’s) family, leading, in the African culture, to both families (and clans) having a common stake and making a common investment, in insuring that the matrimonial partners, upon getting married, cooperate and commit to a marriage that will endure and last, no matter what. Thus, providing in the African marriages, by dent of this dowry system, a tremendous culturally-based built-in impetus and mechanism, totally unknown and non-existent in the Western culture, for a far superior system of marriage that almost guarantees a complex intertwined marital relationship between the man and woman, and between them and their respective families, that cannot just be easily shaken off or forsaken at will in casual “divorce,” as is common in the Western marriages today, where marriages are routinely tossed out virtually at the drop of a hat without a second thought, without consideration of the concerns or interests of any third parties, EXCEPT only the man and woman involved in the marriage.!
In sum, contrary to the common impression one gets routinely today which is often fostered and propagated by the Western media and commentators, and is often held or parroted by the largely uninformed or less informed youngish Western-indoctrinated modern Africans in the Diaspora, in regard to the fundamental SYMBOLISM of the practice of dowry or the bride price in African marriages, the fact really is that, upon close study and examination, it is the African dowry and bride price system that actually has many positive dimensions which are, in fact, far superior to anything that the White culture has to offer, or could ever offer, in terms of elements assuring the committed longevity of marriage. And the point made by Tendayi Charity Mhende, cannot be more cogently made or emphasized enough, that given the “National statistics estimate that in England and Wales alone, 42% of all marriages will end in divorce, and 34% will dissolve before the 20th anniversary,” the sub-Saharan Africa’s cultural way of “Upholding the bride price, …highlights a degree of commitment and chivalry in a man that is becoming more and more extinct [in the Western culture],” is actually the far superior, better and more “enlightened” or ore “civilized” method, as it makes for far less Western-type divorce and marital breakups, and for more lasting and harmonious African-type marriages.
Author Benjamin O. Anosike, has been a U.S.-trained and based Legal Counsellor, Legal author and scholar, Certified matrimonial & personal relationship mediator, African family cultural expert, Founder and President of PUSDAM (People United to Save Diaspora African Marriages), creator of the ASFGSM formula for successful marriage – the Anosike Strategic Formula for Guaranteed Successful Marriage. His latest book is “Why African Husbands & Wives in the West Are Warring Against Each Other: Solution for Saving African Marriages in the Diaspora.” For more on the book, go to: http://www.DiasporaAfricanMarriages.com/the-marriage-book/
Dowry is different from brideprice. You have conflated them. Dowry is the transfer of goods from the bride’s family to the new family; Brideprice/wealth is the price a groom pays to have the woman as his bride.
As an African, I both agree and disagree with what Tendayi Charity Mhende says in regards to supporting our cultural traditions- and the payment of bride price is a good one only when it benefits the bride, her groom, and both their families. I find myself disagreeing with the generalization of arguments for or against different African cultural concepts because most of their authors do not respect the different circumstances that Africans of all kinds may find themsleves in.
Whether Mhende will admit it or not, the truth is that bride price was used by African husbands as an excuse to beat their wives in the past. Now, that does not mean that emotionally-healthy Africans did not also use it as an opportunity to befriend their future in-laws. It is better to present the truth about this cultural practice instead of just blankly saying it is good for all Africans. In modern settings, in particular, most of the time, dowry payment is NOT good. Even when it is paid, the MOTIVES of the man who pays dowry are not conducive to the building of a good marriage.
I can tell that Africans in the diaspora are completely out of touch with events in the motherland, just from reading this article.In African nations like Kenya today, those who pay bride price for wive(s) are those with wealthy parents who can afford to pay it, or have well-paying jobs in the private sector. In the past (before the Europeans came to Africa in the 1800s), the payment of dowry was not done to boast for others, or even display the levels of wealth enjoyed by the groom’s family. Today, this is THE MAIN reason why those who can afford to pay bride price do so. People say that it is to make the bride feel special, but it really is not. To give you an example, look at:
http://www.samrack.com/?p=5957
and
http://nairobiwire.com/2015/08/huge-motorcade-police-outriders-and-choppers-how-this-luo-man-delivered-dowry-in-meru-photos.html
Now, what do police-outridders and helicopters have to do with the union of two people? Is that not bragging for those who are unable to put on such a show? You may argue that I am generalizing, but I assure you that this type of showmanship is extremely common for wealthy young men across Africa! If you ‘Google’ sentences like
-our Ruracio in youtube
-The payment of lobola in youtube
you will see how people in East and Southern Africa have put up videos of their bride-price paying ceremonies for others to admire. Now, what is the purpose of that? Is this not supposed to be something extremely private? I can guarantee you that the people uploading videos of their ceremonies in YouTube account for less than 10% of the population of any African country!
For your information, Mhende, most young African men cannot afford to pay dowry. Due to Western nations sucking out the resources of African nations and the systemic corruption in the public sector, most young African men have to become extremely crafty to survive today. In fact, I would wager that Africans are the most enterprising people on the planet because they still manage to find ways (whether good or bad) of making a living even in the midst of these painful realities. This is the reason, by the way, why most young African women in African cities who are married tend to be those who love their man so much that they refuse to allow his poverty and inability to pay bride price to come between them.
In a strange way, God has also used poverty to ‘discipline’ African men in regards to how they treat their women. If a poor African man falls in love and his beloved CHOOSES to go to the district registrar with him for a simple civil service ceremony because she knows that he is poor, he will be more respectful of her because he can see just how much she loves him- and that her love is not based on how much he has. Many times, an African man who sincerely loves his woman but ‘shacked-up’ with her or went to the district registrar to get married the first time because he could not afford dowry then, will make quiet trips to the rural home of his wife to see his in-laws for the purpose of ‘showing his gratitude’ once he acquires some wealth after many years of striving.
In regards to the assertion that bride price ‘honors’ the bride by estimating that she is worth much, I can only say that this is extremely rare. Most times, the African man who wants to sincerely love and honor his wife wants to do this IN SPITE of having to pay dowry. This means that it is not the dowry that makes the man kind and considerate to his wife, but rather it is his inherent characteristics. In most cases, dowry is used as an excuse to misuse mistreat women in the worst ways. Just look at the Swazi example where the fat corrupt Monarch pillages primary and secondary schools year after year, searching for nubile virgins while the older wives are impregnated, and then dumped in furniture-less palaces- all because he “paid” for them. Look at the grossly overweight Khulubuse Zuma (who is President Zuma’s nephew):
http://www.sundayworld.co.za/lifestyle/2014/09/14/khulubuse-zuma-marries-1-of-4-fiancees—photos
pillaging the country’s resources to get enough dowry to ‘buy’ more wives. I sincerely believe that in Southern African nations (where women KNEEL to serve their men food), the women are so mistreated, that they choose to make the best of a bad situation by accepting to be married as plural wives to the richest men, so that at least they have material comforts even though they are in a polygamous union.
The other reason why making a generalizing argument that dowry is good for all Africans is not practical is because it disregards the relationship between the adult child and his or her parents. Allow me to give my own example here. I am an African citizen who has a very strained relationship with my parents. All through my growing years, my parents were extremely harsh towards me and my siblings- which is quite common in African families where children are ‘to be seen and not heard’. By the time I was an adult I had numerous emotional problems that I suspected were caused by my parents’ undue harshness towards me. I could not afford a therapist, so I turned to the one resource that I had- the internet.
Few people outside Africa know just how much the internet has blown up across the continent. In my case, before acquiring a laptop, I would visit cyber-cafes to read about things like enmeshment, the infantilization of adult children, and spousification. I literally began to heal my emotions with the help of “Dr. Google”, as Africans like to say. Now, even though I have healed and come to terms with my past, I could not envisage the situation where my parents receive dowry from my future husband and his family. My parents nearly killed me when I was growing up- I am alive today IN SPITE of how they treated me. My friends told me to ‘forgive and forget’, and said that my parents merely treated me the way they were treated by THEIR parents, but I really did not want to hear it. I have forgiven, but I cannot forget.
So now I was in a quandary. If i chose to marry a fellow African, his parents would DEMAND the involvement of my parents- which is something that I did not want because then the issue of dowry would arise. I decided to solve this issue by praying and searching for a spouse who comes from a culture that does not practice the payment of bride price. I was successful!! Just from the number of fellow Africans I got acquainted with when searching for emotional healing, I believe that there are many Africans who are following the path that I took as concerns marriage.
There are very few instances where the payment of dowry actually serves to bind two families together with no adjoining horrible side-effects for the bride. And in 99% of these few instances, both the families of the bride and groom have to be extremely rich and well-adjusted emotionally, so that they do not harbor perverted intentions in regards to the payment of bride-price.
i have a question. If the man is an African King and has a woman that is chosen for him to marry to produce an heir but he loves a non African woman, is there any method for getting out of that? It seems very unfair that a man can love a woman and be forced by tradition to marry and pay a large bride price for a woman he doesnt care about. This is my current situation. That to me seems rather cruel to all parties involved. I mean I understand the need to keep traditions. I definitely understand the need to maintain the royal bloodline, however this is the 21st century. Three lives destroyed by this tradition.
Article by Tandayi Charity Mhende, excellent evaluation on ancient institution of marriage and its “symbolic giftings” by 21st century African’s living in diaspora. see comment:
KJV bible Ecclesiastes 1:9 “ and there is no new thing under the sun.” these words spoken by the creator of “marriage contracts”the God I AM that I AM of (Moses)Abraham/Isaac/Jacob (Israel)further in the same book Tobit (of tribe of Napthali one of twelve tribes) we are instructed prior to ‘marriage’; not transgress but keep Gods commandments; give alms “gifts” to our people and others; beware of whoredoms, and chiefly take a wife of the seed of thy fathers, and take not a strange woman to wife, which is not of thy father’s tribe.
These steps and others outlined in KJV bible culminate in a blessed long-term union culminating in land inheritances and overall prosperity for the glory of God.
To refute the advice of Our knowledgeable biblical forefathers has led to environmental destruction; widespread disenfranchisement; tribal wars as is now (21st century) experienced and witnessed by African’s in USA/UK worldwide.
It is good and objective piece. Congratulations! I am looking for material on the process of dowry and negotiation among the Isukha, a sub-tribe of the Luhya people of Western Kenya. Dowry to me is a valuable practice uniting two groups if it is done with the right objective and motive
Gertrude