Everyone knows that the BBC should always create the impression that it is in crisis and that its standards are in decline. BBC staff morale should always be ‘at an all-time low’. It is run by a bunch of liberal gangsters who are more interested in conning innocent Blue Peter viewers than they are in providing a decent, honest and reliable news service. No hint of innovation or enthusiasm should ever be allowed to see the light of day. These are all eternal verities and the job of BBC journalists is to promulgate these immutable truths to anyone they come into contact with.

So imagine my distress when a foreign academic friend recently visited the BBC and reported back this impression of the people she met:

One thing that struck me about the people I met at the BBC was how much they enjoyed journalism. You could almost see journalism running through their veins! It’s always so enjoyable and uplifting speaking to people like that.

I don’t want to name the friend and so expose her naivety, but I hope the BBC staff members responsible for this cruel hoax are exposed and dealt with in the harshest possible way. How about sending them to Salford?