LSE’s Jane von Rabenau recounts her experience of traveling in India. This article first appeared in India Today.
I have read Michaela Cross’s experiences in India several times by now. That makes me no different from a million plus people who too have read her blog. What’s different is that I could have gone through the same harrowing experience as her, because I too have been touring India extensively, alone. And yes, I too am white, in my 20s and a foreign female.
I have traveled alone to many parts of India and am now living in Delhi for over two months. I am overwhelmed with the positive and exciting experiences I have made and the hospitality of Indians towards me. Why has India been so different to me? Have I been simply lucky? Or have I looked at India very differently to get a very different treatment for myself?
Let me compare notes with some of Michaela’s experiences to explain what I am saying.
Do Indian men stare at me? Yes, they do… and so do Indian women and kids, and other European travelers. They stare with the same curiosity that I get stared at in so many other countries I have traveled to in Africa, South America, Eastern and Southern Europe and other Asian countries.
I guess that is a natural reaction to somebody considered exotic. When I took my Eritrean friend to my grandmother’s village in northern Germany, where foreigners are a rarity, she attracted everyone’s looks, some containing a hint of racism.
The stares I got from Italian men were typically accompanied with a “Ciao Bella!” This flirtatious attitude is often welcomed and accepted as part of Italy’s macho culture. In India, it is seen as sexual harassment. Why is an Italian man’s stare a compliment and an Indian man’s stare a curse, bordering on threat?
Do people take photos of me? Yes, they do… but I take many more photos of them! We Western travellers typically shoot every monument, sight and many people they come across in India, mostly without asking for permission. These pictures are posted in our Facebook page or travel blogs. But if an Indian takes a photo of a European, we get irritated and feel our privacy is invaded. Again, isn’t there a double standard here? A white skin’s privilege is a brown skin’s punishment?
Am I the centre of attention at social events? Yes, I am. Thanks to the immense hospitality of Indians, I had the opportunity to attend five weddings and several festivals. When I was dancing, lots of people wanted to dance with me, and some also took photos and videos of me. I was the only white person at these functions, and most people had never seen a white woman dancing to Bollywood tunes. In my case, the attention I got in these functions was no different from the curious and welcoming attention I received at a wedding party in Kosovo.
Did I have any negative experiences with Indian men? Yes, the worst I had was a businessman in my Air India flight from London try to grope my thigh.
But my positive experiences far outweigh the negative ones, even with men. I only had to deal with people trying to sell me stuff and not leaving me alone; and people staring at me. However, putting myself in the position of a crafts seller trying to feed his family, and knowing that there is a chance that after annoying a tourist enough, he will give in and buy something, I would also prioritise my family over the tourist.
I have been invited to many Indian homes and have been offered food by the poorest families. I have hardly ever had to stay in hotels as Indians have welcomed me to stay at their family homes, and then organised me to stay at their wife’s cousin’s friend’s house etc… On many occasions, dhaba owners or fruit sellers insisted on not taking money from me for the food as I am a guest of India.
Can one generalise my account of India? No, one cannot.
In fact, no one’s account can and should be generalised; one sixth of humanity lives in India; there are many Indias in India; every traveller interacts only with a small fraction of Indians, and can thus only give a tiny fragment of the true Indian experience — whatever that is. But I believe that we make our experiences as much as our experiences make us.
I now know Hindi fairly well, but even when I didn’t, just speaking a few phrases of Hindi, smiling and being open to chat with people around triggered people’s hospitality – and that instilled me with a sense of security. I have generally been more adapting, less suspicious and more trusting.
For instance, on a recent visit to Kasauli with a female English friend, we wore kurtis and bangles and joked and chatting with every Indian we interacted with– chaiwalas, pandits, other Indian tourists. We started chatting with clothes shop owner and had chai with him. A friend of his insisted on showing us around Kasauli and inviting us to his village. We ended up having dinner with his family – some delicious daal, sabzi and chawal – and looked at his beautiful family photo album.
I feel that many a traveller would have a much more exciting, and “real” experience of India if they would just be a more open and friendly towards Indians. A very thin line divides intrusion from friendliness. I can interpret one as the other, depending on whether I am apprehensive or open.
I am not suggesting India is a heaven for women. You don’t need to hear from me the depressing daily occurrences of molestation, sexual assaults and female infanticide. However, my experience of India and behaviour of Indians towards me has been incredibly positive. Many of my friends had similar experience. I hope India treats more foreign travellers like it has treated me. Rather than the treatment Michaela received.
Soon, I will get back to London to continue my bachelor’s degree at LSE. I will have to adjust to a life without any special attention – no ghaar ka khaana from chaiwalas, no chaat papri, no Bollywood dancing and no poojas. Maybe I will refuse to readjust and come back to India next year.
Jane von Rabenau is studying Philosophy and Economics at LSE. She is on a summer internship in Delhi, working in the area of development cooperation.
Hi,
Loved reading your post, its times like these when you live in a disillusionment of your own being (in this case my country) and need another perspective to appreciate your own self.
Thank you for your post, it bought a smile to my face.
Cheers!
Honestly, this is a kind of a banal topic. Of course fair women feel so special in countries where the majority of the population has darker skin: this is one of the reasons expats enjoy being expats. Probably also one of the reasons anthropologists also enjoyed exploring indigenous islands where they faced godlike admiration from the native tribes. This attitude of feeling special is quite naive, may be offensive to locals (without intending to be) and may reinforce colonial attitudes. It may be embarrassing for the young lady at a later stage to read what she wrote today.
For younger women who travel the world for the first time, such attention is very flattering, it is – but what is the story here? The Germans especially are notorious in their searching for the local experience, walking the paths that tourists don’t walk, always trying to blend in – wear a sari, learn Hindi, do yoga, learn to cook Indian curry, “be local”!. It is also annoying for them when they have competition in the field, i.e. another traveller who ventures the paths they walk – how then otherwise can they feel as unique, as explorative? How would the young German lady feel if suddenly a large group of tall, blond Swedish goddess-like young women arrive in her Indian neighbourhood? Then she would be just one of many blondes.
Feeling special is not because one is special, but because of relative scarcity.
Hi Jane
I am an indian gal raised in Mumbai and an LSE alumni. When I read the blog of Michaela Cross, I did not see her whiteness or blondeness. The kinds of experiences she described was as a single female traveller as against yourself a tourist. Micheala was an exchange student for three months as against yourself who was too busy to absorb and study the culture. She had no escape unlike yourself even if she was conservatively dressed. She was there for academic reasons and had to submit her report and tell the university what hell she had to go through as a academic student. You are lucky, you can esacpe the Indian stares and masturbation because you carry a ruck sack with you everywhere indicating that you are there for a short amount of time. Unlike her, who rented a place and lived as an Indian woman, not as a white woman, in India.
I am not disagreeing with you but you have not convinced me why I should ask my female blonde/unblonde western female friends to visit Indian alone. I continue to warn them its unsafe and that they should go with boyfriends or in a large group.
When I read Michaela Cross’s experience, I related with her instantly because even though I am not white/blonde, I experienced exactly the same patters of gender harassment while growing up in India and even worst.
Next time if you visit India, please leave there as an Indian woman but as a single female resident and try to blend in especially in places like Varanasi and then only you will realise the pain that Michaela went through. My experience of Indian men in the North part of India is that India is a Muslim country but without the Muslim laws that protect the modesty of a woman in public places and that is why it is a dangerous country for single female residents irrespective of their whiteness and blondeness..So, India should declare itself a Muslim country at least in the north part of India
As someone who has lived in India for over two years now and has close relationships with many Indians and ex-pats both, I agree with smita that Michaela’s experiences were far more typical for both Indian women and foreign women than Jane’s.
I agree with Jane that if, in India, you expect harrassment and sexual abuse, then, to a large extent that is what you will see. I toured nothern India post LSE in 1991, alone, a single white person who had the good fortune to blend in due to tanned skin, green eyes and dark hair – but who was still young, foreign and female. Everywhere, there was great friendliness – some of which could have resulted in an interpretation of potential threat/abuse – but which I accepted on the superficial level of curiosity and friendship extended often without a common language – and, if the need arose, I moved on and away. I chose to go to India. It wasn’t forced on me, and I had the choice to leave at any point – but I stayed for three months and loved it. Yes, there were downsides – including a near… (what do you call it when you think you’ve just run fron a scene that would have resulted in rape had you not kneed the potential offender in the balls and run?) whilst using a publilc field open toilet during a brief stop on the train ride to Jaiselmer. But in London, that threat had become reality – so India, in comparison, was not terrible. Women, everywhere, face absurd challenges from men just because ‘they’ can. It is wrong, in my view, to point the finger at India without also recognising that the same forces shape women’s lives all over western Europe and the Americas. For me, there was no psychological breakdown upon leaving India. There was just a tremendous sadness at the poverty and heartache suffered by the majority of the ordinary Indians that I had met along the way – and an appreciation of the feat of remaining upbeat and friendly, and smiling, despite the incredible hardships they were enduring. Micheala’s India is not the place I recognize from my own travels. I prefer to recall all the little acts of kindness, the conversations in post offices and by the wayside chai stops, the never-ending generosity from those who had so little to give. Has it really changed so much?
Wait, you were nearly raped in the just 3 months you spent in the country? Do you realize how that projects out over time? Would it be acceptable if that happened to you once every three months?
I love India, which is why I’ve made it my home…but downplaying this as a serious problem is ridiculous. Even if the average woman only faces an attempted rape once every year or so, that’s HORRIBLE. Much less once every 3 months.
When my girlfriend and I backpacked in India, she felt quite unsafe a lot of the time. I thought she was a bit paranoid in the beginning, but then I saw men grope her or stare menacingly without ceasing, and I began to understand what she was saying. We met lots of nice people, as one will do most places one goes. But there was a threat that she perceived, which is not something to be taken lightly. This was about 15 years ago, and when my female friend recently told me she needed to go to Delhi for work, I was worried for her.
I’m glad you had such a lovely experience in your two months of India. I agree one must have a very open mind while traveling in India as there is much beauty, much to learn– my cumulative 9 months living in India has been life-changing. But you can also walk right into a trap if you’re not careful.
A bit about me- traveled alone on a budget to over 30 countries including many conservative places and places that are not particularly safe for women. India still wins for being one of the worst in terms of treatment of women in my book of personal experiences. I spent 6 months in Himachal Pradesh and Rajastan traveling alone as a caucasian woman. I wore a punjabi most of the time. I kept myself covered even in hot weather. I stuck with local women, didn’t go out at night, didn’t drink, didn’t go to the bars. The following incidents STILL occurred:
* An familiar man tried to push into my hotel room as I was heading out for the day (11am, busy day) and told me he was going to have sex with me. When I kicked him and shoved him out he said “but you’re American.” I slammed the door in his face and called someone for help.
* My friend and I got followed home after dinner, and eventually chased after the boys were telling us what they wanted to do to our bodies. We hid in a hotel lobby.
* A truckload of boys drove by and told me they were going to have sex with me.
* a 10 year old boy on a bicycle rode by and invited me to his house to have sex with him.
* A seemingly nice boy in his teens, friends with my local friends, joined our table for dinner one night. We all discussed some interesting political matters. He offered to walk me and my friend home- he was allegedly going the same way. This was a time when I thought I would be open to someone’s kindness. He tried to follow me to my bedroom and asked to “go to bed” with me. I had to shove him away and threaten to punch him in the face before he left me alone.
* My male friend was alone shopping in a market. He made a new friend at a sales stall and they chatted for quite some time. After awhile, the shopkeeper invited him to a cup of tea. My friend drank it, and fell unconscious. He woke up on the floor with nothing in his pockets.
Stares and attention is one thing- that’s expected and happens anywhere I go when traveling. Same goes for the endless photo “snaps”, aggressive salespeople, and persistent beggars- that’s all part of the experience and you learn to not let it get to you as this author had done. I was even surprised one day when I politely asked a man why he was staring at me and he said he was trying to figure out how to ask me to meet his family. I had a lovely afternoon with his children thereafter.
So yes, I agree, be open to the moments but also realize you are always at risk as a western woman traveling in certain parts of India. Do it, it’s amazing and life-changing— but it is not without it’s serious dangers and one should NEVER let his/her guard down. And yes, I look back on the positives when thinking of my travels in India; but when I return to India, I know to NEVER let my guard down.
Hi Jane,
I’m an LSE alumni from India and I currently live in Delhi. I’m very glad to know that you had fun on your trip to India and that you view it positively. Mostly I’m really glad there’s a different take on things so that every foreigner who comes to India does not think she (or he) is visiting the “Land of Rapists”.
That said, I can relate to what Michaela Cross went through. Being Indian, I don’t know what it means to be an expat in India, so I can’t say if her experience has been uniquely horrible that way (that’s where your article comes in). I think at least some of what Ms. Cross went through may have been viewed through the lens of ‘white female victim’. But mostly to me, it resembled the experiences that countless Indian women experience day in and day out. Perhaps not all at once, but we’ve all got a few that we can recount.
You’re absolutely right in pointing out the double standard between sexism in India and in Italy. Many women (like me, because I too was naive that way) automatically tend to think countries like the UK (the so called “developed countries”) are much more safer for women as a whole because of how they are tolerant, progressive and open to new ideas. And they’re also multicultural, which must mean you don’t stand out. And if you don’t stand out, if you’re a part of the crowd, its assumed you’re not displaying traits like vulnerability. But multiculturalism did not stop some freak from stalking me during my very first London winter while I was a student at LSE. It left me shaken and scared. But mostly it left me angry. Because I realized it really didn’t matter which country I lived in, women would always be objectified in some form or the other by at least some men.
So yes, I hate what happens in India to women every day. And I want it to stop as much as any tourist who visits my country. But I’d like them to remember it happens elsewhere too, not just in India.
Thank you Jane for writing a balanced post!
I am an external student of LSE and I live in Delhi. What Michaela said about India is true, Indian people are generally very hospitable and nice. But there is a darker side of India too. Not every Indian guy is a rapist or a molester what happened to Michaela could not be singled out that he was Indian, look what he did and this how Indian boys behaves.
As an Indian man I feel ashamed of the fact that India today has acquired a notoriety in the world that India is not a safe place, not a good place. It is the same land in which during Vedic ages women in India enjoyed the same standing in the society as that of man. With the passage of time Indian women were confined to the kitchens and were discriminated against including the practise of Sati. And with time I am sorry to say Indian society has declined to large extent when it comes to women in India.
If you ask me what I feel then I would tell you this that there two India’s that exist one that lives in the city and another that lives in the village. Indian villages are such places which are deeply conservative by nature and elders over there if you ask me are nothing but big fools for example, I came across a news article that said that in a village in Haryana where Village council which compromised of the village elders banned everyone in Village from eating noodles and there reason for banning noodles was that according to them it corrupts the mind. I have been eating noodles since god knows when, I still do eat noodles and I can stay that it has not corrupted my mind.
The problem with India is that most of the masses are illiterate especially ones living in village, where also unfortunately the violence against women is rampant. The boys who grow up in village see their mothers confined to kitchen and treated nothing better than slave so they think that every woman is supposed stay under a man’s boot. Moreover, when these boys see English media in which they see sexual scenes they think that this how all the girls in western world behave. I am not saying that western movies are responsible but it is the illiteracy which is responsible for this kind of thinking of men who live in India whether they live in cities or in villages.
As far as violence against woman in India is concerned I would not deny the fact that it is indeed at very high level but I would like to bring your attention to another fact that even in western world women have been subject to the worst kind of violence.
Agreed that in developed nations where statistics indicate that crimes against women is less but we must not forget to take into account that many instances might not have been reported. In some Indian cities New Delhi which I am sorry to say was branded as the rape capital of the world by China it is a well known fact that there is a high incidence of crime against women but you have to realize the fact that there are other Indian cities where crime against women is less.
In Indian culture, before it became corrupted, the birth of a girl in a family was celebrated because she was considered to be the form of Hindu goddess Lakshmi who brings good fortune to the family but with time we Indian people have forgotten our very own culture, values upon which it was build. It is only through time and education that India would find its root again and I can safely that it has started now.
Hi
I hope this thread is not dead yet – my partner and I have just (today) come back from 16 days in India and we have had the time of our lives. Yes, we were absolutely on the tourist trail – but we tried to put several days into each stop and stayed in havelis in the old cities of Rajasthan where possible, so we could actually learn something about what was happening in India.
On the issue of objectification of women in India – this was something of a discussion point for us over our whole trip. From our first day in Delhi at Jama Masjid to several days later at the Taj Mahal, my partner was subject to open photography and videography on mobile phones by third parties without her consent, including with laughter and salacious taunts (I don’t speak Hindi or Tamil – but laughter, the sharing of mobile phone images and pointing are universal languages).
At this point, I should note, my partner was dressed very modestly from head to toe but there was obviously something about her presentation that made a lot of young men seem comfortable with videoing her and openly sharing it immediately with their friends. I cannot imagine what these same young men would have thought if I, as a Westerner, had chosen to take video footage of their wives, sisters, or mothers, with the same disregard. When traveling anywhere (even at home), I always employ a principle of never taking a photo of a person until I have spoken to them. The indiscriminate and in fact intrusive photography that occurred during my partner’s experiences in India made her very uncomfortable and could have seriously derailed our experience of India.
That said, India is an amazing place full of amazing people. We toured Delhi, Uttar Praddesh and Rajasthan – and the closer we got to Jaisalmer, the more the tourist trap folded in and the less the hassle occurred.
The open filming of my wife at the Taj was a joke – when i mentioned it to a nearby policeman he was very concerned. but there was no follow up.
Hi
I am off to India this week to visit my mother in Mumbai. I will also be traveling to Varanasi, and parts of
Madhya Prqdesh. I am an Indian born studying in the West and have left India since 2001. I don’t know how much of India is left of me but everytime I go back, I feel less and less Indian and more of a global citizen and I am happy with this identity. But this also means I am twice vulnerable to being sexually harassed because I look Indian but don’t fit in with the norms of behaving like an Indian girl should which draws attention towards me.
If I can I will be posting photos of my trip of .india that I want to capture while also risking the gender terrains.,.
While your experiences may have seemed innocent, I request you to be a bit more cautious. I have many colleagues that seem to act very innocent when they want pictures with and flock around foreign women but when they speak about it after the deed is done, if you do not speak the local languages, I can assure you it is not at all very respectful or innocent. It is also a misconception that this behavior is rampant among the illiterate/socially backward men. I am studying engineering and I have seen the boys from my college as well old high-school classmates that I once respected (who are now in other colleges – engineering and other) do the same; not to mention the number of such actions by sons of the local politicians and the police themselves.
@Chris: If you thought that the laughter and the taunts were salacious, I assure you that you are right. Being one of the locals I understand the conversations well and the people are more candid about their intentions and their perceptions of foreign tourists when speaking in the local languages and dialects. I have also seen them follow the foreign women (who travel alone) around.
My cousin (my family is pale/olive skinned and we look like non-Indians) had an such an experience at a concert when one of the locals who was dancing near the stage tried to get physical with her after attempting to do the same (unsuccessfully) with 2 Russian tourists. Some tourists seem to think that some acts like this one are a part of the ‘friendly’ culture of the locals. There are numerous other such similar occurrences that I have seen happening every day which go unreported.
That being said there is a small number (a fraction) of the locals that are actually respectable. Unfortunately tourists tend to get caught up in all the attention and ‘friendliness’ of the locals and miss what is actually happening to them.
I just read the blog right now….I just something to say..miss Michaela cross’s…in hindi…. aap india ko abhi tak thik tara se nahi jaan payi….agar aap abhi india main hain…toh ek baat jarur batunga k…aap har kisi k sath apna khud ki picture capture mat ki jiye…u should have been webbed….and yes….I like your saree…and cute smile….always avoid tea shop..or this type of reaturent…bcz…iss place par kohi accha vala admi toh nahi jata….mujhe toh yeh bhi lagta hain k aap ko bahut bar tiss kiya hain …aaap bas samaj nahi payi….by the way best of luck miss…
Thanks for an insightful analysis.
I am an Indian male.
I believe that humans are animals, at least biologically, although socially we try to be much more than that. Doesn’t always work, and the animal gets out. In other countries, the laws are strict, in India they aren’t. That’s the only difference. Remove the laws and see what happens in ‘civilized’ countries. So my point is, we are all as bad as each other. We are all animals – men, women, children, old, young, everyone.
Thanks and Bye.
Looking nice in Indian Sari….Hope u have enjoyed ur trip to India…
Dear Jane,
I am Indian born in India in a small city but now settled in New Delhi. So profound thoughts at such a young age. Most of your post contains nothing else but deep truth about human behaviour, be it Indians or any other nationality. Basic instinct are all the same except the way they are displayed by different individuals may be different under different circumstances. Hope others like you travelling to foreign lands like India experience the same feelings and carry good memoirs back home. There are stories of foreign travellers both men and women have loved this country (India) that they decided to settle down and make it their home.
I am in complete agreement with your views expressed in your post and hope that you continue to cherish the goodness that India and her people have to offer.
My feelings too would be the same if I ever travelled to a far off land even within my own country.
Thinking the right way does make a difference to your feelings !!
With All My Good Wishes !
Take Care & God Bless !
Roy
Beautiful!!!! Keep writing and keep visiting India. You reflect the positivity of Germans that I have felt when every I meet one from your world:)
Hi Jane,
Thank you for your insightful writing. I am an Indian male, born and brought up in a small town of West Bengal and now staying in a city at the other corner of this large and diverse country. I am a passionate traveller. I have encountered many so-called white women on my solo travel throughout India but it does not make the animal lashes out of myself. Yes I am a single Indian man, and never went out for hunting of a woman, whether it is white or brown. I believe there are many others like me among the crowd of 1.3 billion and many others unlike us too. All Indians are not rapist, not enthusiast to take photos with so-called white men/women, do not want to grope white women. They do have their own business. Generalisation is an tremendously erroneous job in India, as example knowing broken Hindi does not mean one can successfully communicate with all Indian coz less than 40% of Indians actually understand Hindi.
Irrespective of all odds, all are welcomed to visit India. Bad people are everywhere, yes in so-called developed country too (how many Indians lost their lives in US, Aus !!!). I would like to suggest that please be at individual self comfort zone. Avoid bad companies and alleys. If one has to travel alone please make proper plan, avoid night out at unknown and distant places. Wish you all a pleasant stay in India. Thanks. Namaskar.
Living in a big cosmopolitan, relatively well-off city like Delhi is not the same as living in many other places in India. As a white Western woman, I had a great experience in Delhi. Then I went to Varanasi, where I spent a year working. I’m fluent in Hindi and dressed in Indian garb at all times. Nevertheless, I was grabbed almost daily – on streets, in shared rickshaws (which I had to take to my job). Many Indian women I knew in Varanasi and encountered this kind of harassment routinely as well. I once went with two male Indian friends to a festival on the ghats (thinking I would be safe with men) and I was instantly surrounded and almost dragged to the ground. Men grabbed my breasts, my groin. Fortunately, my two make friends were finally able to pull me out and then we ran. I knew MANY other women with similar experiences.
Nice post. foreign tourist need to be careful while travelling in India.. you will get to a mix of people good and bad.. but India is truly a wonderful place