When I went to Erica’s home for our introductory meeting, I was really glad that I’d sign up to mentor a child through a local nonprofit.

I wasn’t glad because she seemed like a bright, sweet kid (which she did); I wasn’t glad because I genuinely enjoyed spending time with children (which I did/still do not).

I was glad because I’d signed up feeling that it was my duty to help a young, Black girl from the east side of Detroit escape the seemingly all-too-inevitable fate of becoming a sad statistic about poverty, pregnancy, etc., like I had. And, as I looked at her home, her neighborhood, and her family, I was convinced that in the absence of guidance from someone like me, Erica was indeed on course to meet that fate.

Thankfully, though, I was there, ready to make a difference in her life.

From the beginning, I showed up assuming that where she was from, how she spoke, her interests, etc. were all wrong. My self-appointed mission was to save her from living down to the stereotypes and low expectations that I believed society projected onto people like us. I wanted her to listen, learn, and be inspired to – as utterly cringeworthy as the thought now strikes me – become like me.

I could not see then what is obvious to me now: my relationship with Erica was doomed from the start.

She had joined the program because she wanted a kind, caring “big sister” with whom she could laugh, talk, and have fun. This is why after a few months of putting up with my lectures about her music preferences, etc. and going to what to her must have seemed boring outings like going to an author talk, Erica stopped wanting to meet with me.

The truth is, I thought I had been doing Erica a favor by trying to mold her into the kind of person I thought she needed to be successful – i.e., according to a definition of success which I had internalized through social conditioning steeped in white supremacy. I regarded Erica and her life circumstances with pity and judgement than with empathy and compassion.

It was my intention to do good. But, as my short-lived mentoring experience illustrates, it takes more than good intentions to do good when volunteering.

So then, what does it take?

For a thoughtful, entertaining discussion of that question, I invite you to check out Episode 20 and Episode 21 of my podcast I Want to Change the World on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. In these episodes, you will hear David Coles, Volunteer Centre Manager at LSE, talk about how his experience co-founding a charity called Kickstart Ghana as a young, idealistic volunteer became a catalyst for plenty of lessons learned about do’s and don’ts for doing good.

If Janai inspired you to volunteer or you’d like to learn more about voluntary research opportunities, check out one of our other ongoing opportunities or book a one-to-one with David Coles, the Volunteer Centre Manager if you have more questions. And why not follow us on Twitter, and Instagram to stay up-to-date with our events and opportunities and read our blog for more volunteering tips and stories.